1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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