you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
