He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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