me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
