just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
