Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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