I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
