You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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