I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
