OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
