My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
