Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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