I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Randomize
