I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
