I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
