Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
