I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize