so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
