He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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