I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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