Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
