Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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