Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize