Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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