Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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