3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Is Oprah even human
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
