I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize