he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
