So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
