i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
