So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
