when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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