dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
