I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize