Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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