We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
