high people should be assigned attendants
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
