Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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