You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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