I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
