make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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