omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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