I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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