You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
