Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
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