I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize