I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
