Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Come see our sink grown plant.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
