Soap is not a condiment
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize