He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
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