today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
