I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize