i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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