I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
