The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
