covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
