I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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