I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
