Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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