I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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