After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
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