Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
