i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
