I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
