Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
