I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
