HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize