I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
