there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Farmville is her only friend.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
