i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
