And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
