He kissed a someone with a penis
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
