I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
