you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
