i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
