Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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