Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
