I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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