we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
