You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
