I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
