I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
