Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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