Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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