how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize